14 septiembre 2006

Hoy día, nada mucho. School. Fue fome. Got out early due to some phys ed. test. Walked almost all the way home with Freja, but my host mom and grandma stopped by and picked me up. Oh well. We're going to make it a weekly thing, but only weekly, when we have our gym uniforms on(pants) because really, what foreign girl wants to wander the streets of La Serena in a skirt? Got home, was alone for the first time ever for about....half an hour to an hour or so. It was quite nice...I miss being home alone.
Decided to go on a walk. Wandered around, down past my neighborhood. Let's just say, I noticed the differences. Loud reggaeton music, people blatently staring at me. These two guys were outside like, painting their fence or something, one was watching me walk by, then nudged his friend so he could stare too. And I turned and looked at them, which I've discovered usually makes people stop staring, but not these guys. It was....weird. But...I kept walking and was fine. I feel perfectly safe here. I got a couple of honks from trucks driving by. That was....polite. I noticed a cute little sheep farm not too far from my house(and thought of you, dad). It was nice. It was only like a half hour or so, but it's nice to just get out of the house and get some fresh air and think. But...I do like walking in my neighborhood better. I feel like I stand out really badly in the other neighborhood, but mine, I feel right at home, like I belong there. It's so different. All the houses perfectly clean, gardens all nice, people all inside their little fenced in Chilean fortresses. And the other neighborhood? Grafitti and reggaeton, lower fences, flaite. I def. live in a really nice neighborhood here. Really nice. But quiet.
My host mom and grandma were going somewhere else and drove by me on the street, so i got in the car and went with them (to Hans house, an autistic boy, a friend of Ignacio's from school). They told me that I need to be careful walking alone, which I knew, and that I shouldn't go near the construction site by my house(which I knew, and didn't do). I don't think mamá likes the idea of my walking by myself, but honestly, I don't see why. I mean, I know I stand out, but I feel comfortable and safe, and know where to stop and can listen to my gut. I do have common sense other than not eating snipers and not going to places that end in Land(Sam). I can fend for myself fairly well. And I feel super independent here. I mean, I know she's pretty much my mom, and is just looking out for me, but still. I came here to live like a Chilean teen in La Serena...and they can go for walks by themselves! Granted, my walking privaleges haven't been taken away, but I do feel a bit sheltered here. I'm used to walking almost anywhere I want(granted, I don't do that too often back home, but I'm trusted enough to), and coming home after school with my own key, and being home alone. And I know it's different, and that's cool, but still. I'm 16, not 6. It's just...urgh. I don't know....but I want to be able to take a collectivo. I don't want to have to rely on mamá for rides all the time, and I feel bad, even though she says it's okay. And I want to be able to walk places! I don't know...I guess I just wish I could blend in better. And the stares? Yeah, not too fun. I wish my Spanish was just a little bit better so I could tell those stupidheads to stop staring. I'm not some kind of freak. I'm blonde, fair skinned and blue eyed. It's not all that strange. I mean, I knew coming into this that I'd be different, but I guess I was just naive and didn't realize I'd be looked at all the time. Maybe I'm just too aware of it. Maybe I should stop paying attention to people paying attention to me. But I have to wonder, will it be like this all year? Because if it is, well then I don't care what the Rotary rules say, I'll dye my hair, because I can't take feeling like a freak all year.
anyway. That was enough of a rant. I'm sorry.
*a bit later*
had a talk with my host mom. About boys. Well, Chilean boys. And that Rotary rule that I hate the most, no dating. She actually made it seem like she was okay with me dating....like, really okay with it. I mean, maybe I misunderstood, but I don't think I did, and well. Let's just say my day got better. I mean, I'll stay inside and take rides from her if I can have un pololo chileno. oolala!
I love and miss you all!

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